She Moved On

She moved on.

But sometimes the sky still looks like his eyes.

She moved on

But she kept every possession that had any connection to him.

She moved on

But when she comes across that flannel that he left behind she’ll put it on so it’s like he’s holding her again.

She moved on

But the fact that the same flannel has almost lost every last trace of him, makes her chest feel heavier for a while.

She moved on

But on lonely nights she’ll sleep in his old t-shirt he gave her when she was his.

She moved on

But there’s moments so often where something happens or is said that reminds her of him and a memory she loved, sometimes wishing she could relive it even just for a moment…


Dear Grandpa

Dear Grandpa,

I love you.

Playing and coloring at your house

I loved being with you, dad didn’t

The fighting I heard

Didn’t change my love for you

The things mom said about you

Didn’t change my love for you.


Seeing the smile on your face

While taking pictures with us opening gifts

The smile you had

In the pictures with us

Then you weren’t in them

No beautiful smile to brighten my day

Going into the hospital

For the last time

Didn’t realize this heart attack

Would be the last

I will love you forever

I will always remember your smile

And everything you did for me

I’ll see you again someday.




It’s All The Same

Guide the hand to a new fate,

And do not tell him of what you truly are,

Just smile at him, looking,

Away, from his face.


Listen to the voice that came from the hate,

And do not help him, only give him a taste,

Of who you desire, par,

Himself, neglected by you.


Guide his smile, to truly; who looks,

Yet, contrive, he is yours,

And he undermines by your fascination; benign,

To taste, the hand upon your face.


Simply untrue, undeserving, undesirable.

Away, from himself, neglect the hate,

Do not tell; the fate, so new; your heart

Won’t ever break.


Listen to the lies, you’re making up; lies.

Of given is the par, undermine who looks,

Telling not of a soul, to be under mine,

Is what of yours?


Guide to fascinate, to lay upon, undeserving of,

Your face, benign, you truly know,

Who you, are; not to be himself, he loves. He loves.

Simply, who he truly, undermines,

Who of what is your soul, not to understand,

Look now away, from yourself, smile,

Neglect the lies, not to love; not to hate.


Listen to the facade, voice, inside,

You won’t ever misapprehend,

Lies won’t ever break,

–Ever what is, undesirable won’t, how do you?


Guide to help him, do not,

Give to contrive to taste to know,

To understand your soul,

Suffice to desire the hate.


Simply, himself; as fate, smiles,

Fascinate the facade, obey,

Look, you’re mine, under love will never



Guide to what, he is not, true, you; to not stand,

Under; the hate, helps him; you

Do not, under what, stand upon the hand,

Fate lies at your, face.


Listen, you’re who you love, he loves,

The benign tastes the, heart; obeys the soul;

Contrive to suffice the untrue, neglect

–What once was the hand of fate.


Simply par, not mine, understand him,

Tell not the truth, of you are, who looks?

Fascinate the soul, he loves, but he hates. He hates, you.

Guide: to understand what it takes,

To stay awake, away, from the fate,

Breaking the heart; Undermining distaste, in himself,

Truly, doesn’t tell him you’re fascinated; the facade.


Simply: how he looks at your face,

Suffice the hate, desire the hate, you know

He will never neglect your lies, remained untrue,

Taking his hand, to the voice inside.


Listen: the soul gives into for what?

Contrive, you won’t ever misapprehend,

To par his smile, to you, and only you,

He loved you; you, to break his heart.


Look, it’s all the same.



i am much like a lamp; hollowed out with a man living inside me. though, if you rub my belly you won’t find a genie, no, you’ll find an overcast of daddy issues and just the right amount of self deprecating jokes. you won’t find a genie,
but you will find a tidal wave of suppressed memories, but don’t worry you can grab onto a piece of my broken heart and ride it out. veins pumped to the brim with self hatred. lungs filled with a air of those who disarmed my words; breathing in and out their toxicities.


Ballad about 9/11


This is a story about the day

That the world would suddenly change

The event that made the people say

New York will never be the same


It was a normal afternoon

Not a thing seemed strange

But they don’t know what’s coming soon

The day that New York would change


A plane just passing by

Seemed awfully low

They’re screaming “Oh my”

Soon everything would blow


Crashing in with fire and rage

The tower went up in big red flames

The lives of people of many age

Would soon never be the same


Soon enough another one comes too

And crashes right into the second tower

After a long fight the first tower blew

And all the debris became a shower


Life after life just wasting away

Firefighters trying their best to save

No one has a word to say

As the fiery fury onward raves


As the second tower starts to tumble

People are frantically running about

Inside the ground you can feel a rumble

Sadly enough, time has run out


People are silent as the sirens blare

No one is quite sure what to do

Everyone has just stopped and stared

As the last of the two towers blew


As the dust and debris settles

And the crowds start to swarm

People are gathered around to meddle

To see how this disaster formed


Theory after theory

Lie after lie

People start to feel weary

As the tears dry from their eyes


Broken families and broken hearts

Their loved ones in the remains

As their mind and their heart parts

Their lives will never be the same


Body after body pulled from what’s left

Many people still screaming

Lifting the debris with all their heft

The tears from their eyes still streaming


Day after day

night after night

Many people still say

That everyday is a new fight


Long after the falling

People still mourn

Their loved ones no longer calling

A generation of fighters was born


Where I’m From

I am from the hourglass, from time

I am from the earth, Mysterious; foreign

I am from the thorn, the weed of the ground

I am from the chaos, the competition of life

From Mary to Joseph from God

I am from the liars, the cheaters

I’m from sayings, “life doesn’t owe you anything”

I’m from a belief to “trust no one”

I am from behind the curtain in the temple

From the corner of the sanctuary

I am from darkness, from the bitterness

From dates and prunes

I’m from the alcoholics and the drug addicts, the swindlers

I’m from the forgotten memory of a time of serenity

I’m from hatred, from the thoughts of suicide that burn in the mind

I’m from the haunted house, I am the thoughts of the ghosts

I’m from the father that left, the mother that abused

I am from the arguments and the lies

I am a dark stormy sea

Desperately trying to drown her crew

I am from the rain, the quells

I am from all things people avoid

But I am still me.


This is Me

People see me as Etsub,

A girl like a flower that bloom.

Knows what she wants and go out to get it;

These opinions became a habit.

I tell myself every day, you are perfect;

All these lies I didn’t see the effect.

No one would believe,

If I told them the real me…


I am a girl that is lost trying to find her way around,

Still searching for a common ground.

When I say I got it just disappears,

One after another all these years.

They tell me Etsub you are amazing;

I tell them that it is not surprising.

I have experienced all facets of life,

I can possibly think of.

I try to fly freely like a dove,

Cause all this thing I need to get rid of,

But always fall short,

Guilt, sorrow, anger, sadness,

I try to leave all in his presence…

~Estub Tolossa


Big dreams, well educated, a millionaire.

Life is like an unread book.

Forever in heart, broke me again.

Journey thou soul, she fall again.

Stand back up, and live again.

What worse is, you’ll never know.

You only live once you die.

Your mistakes make who you are.


Love Lost

I feel the blood through my veins

Heart pulsating as I think

Think of him

His heart is calm

He is everything, I am nothing

He is gone, but not from my thoughts

Never thinks of me the way I think of him

My body is numb from my emotions

He is gone.

Moved on, was I not good enough?

Memories can never be forgotten

But new ones can be made.


From a Storm Grew a Rose

Trees and flowers dancing in the wind, leaves blown away

Sun hidden behind clouds and shining within

What a lovely day

Bees buzzing, birds chirping, singing their enchanting song

Listening to the sound of nature, I can do it all day long


Rain trickling down the window and thunder filling the air

Behind dark cloud I didn’t know  

The sun still shone back there

As lightening strikes I stand steadfast and start to feel bliss

I remember that after this storm something will grow from this


Through each day comes different feelings

They all work together to make

The flowers that grow, the insects below, the fruit that we take

So even though the storm is raging and you just want it to go

The sun nourishes, the storm waters so a seedling to blossom and grow


corrupted conscience.

head throbs
heart pounds
as your voice chases me around
running me out of my own body
telling me i’m not quite good enough
if i would only wear more makeup and brush my hair once in awhile

i could be pretty
but i could use some work
my waist slims but so does my confidence
i beg myself to stop giving in to your voice
but it chases me into the darkness
i’ve run so far away from my body now that i can’t find a way back in
your voice is home now and i wait for your approval
i wait to be good enough
i wait for my head to stop throbbing
i wait for my heart to stop beating


Never to Be

My reality is a full world without meaning,

Convoluted as a feeling most demeaning;

Darkness dwells inside of me,

Overflowing with crippling fear only I, can see.


Incinerating my love for you,

Betrayed and broken into pieces no one can fix.

Giving into the remorse which possesses my soul,

Slowly, dying, as an insufferable virtue.


Befallen, the mentality I devised,

Naturally, the epitome of your desires

Are what I despise, seeing through every last lie;

How could you blame me, in any such way?

Maybe you misinterpreted the evident

Hundreds of Thousands of Words that I say?!


Candidly, my absent mind floats over your intelligence;

The disappointment, concealed in a drought of disarray,

Cannot compare to the torment leaving me astray.

I was truly meant to die, even if the body’s still alive.


Demoralized into a reclamation of song,

I am forced to continue on,

Enriched paths are divided, misleading,

This elicit predicament is condoned

Into a world fully, supposedly, composed to relieve, and yet;

You’ve fallen into darkness your mind owns.


The evolutionary truth has been unveiled,

Revealing a moral that I have failed.

Nothing I could ever do will prevail.


Forever; your hatred have always been verisimilitude,

Your weakness is your own ineptitude.

The absence I yield, molded into an indescribable bane,

Cannot prove the extremities of disdain;

The presence of inexplicable deficiency,

Blends within your integrity.

Into the misapprehension you call, meaning.


And I,

The similar complexity of imperfection–

Disregarded by the likes of you.

Failing to see, what you stand for is far less

Than what I could ever believe.


My mentality is a full world of parasitic anomalies,

Undermined of breathing,

Darkness dwells within my dreams,

Never expressing, the ineffable sentiment, that is me, and so;

I truly,

Was never Meant To Be.


Summer of 2017

You were a candy coated sin, a wickedness ignored,
A rose bush in a garden, and yet I dismissed the thornes,
The kiss of life, with the hands of death
Who awakened the heart inside my very chest
You were a walk in wonderland on calm spring morning
And candy house used for luring
But the clock must strike midnight, even Alice must grow
And the warm spring changes to a cold, bloody snow
So what goes on that you don’t know?
What goes on since you had to go

My hair falls out, i lay there dead on the floor
I bang my head on the cold beige walls, and scream at the breaking glass door
I’m stripped of my clothes like i was stripped of my pride,
Yes, this is what goes on since you left me to die.
It’s cold with no clothes on even in the summer
Not that you care. You lost me, and got her
My lips are frozen, there’s no lights on in my head
And from time, to time i wonder if i am already dead

Yet, you bask in my misery, and bathe in my tears
You’ll tell anyone you used me, anyone with ears
And by my neck i’m bound to you, a chain around my throat
Pulled like a bitch on a leash naked with no coat.
While you’re sound a sleep next to her
I sit up thinking about how we were.
Because when the moon is high, and current strong
I sit up thinking of everything i’ve done wrong

If i changed my hair, and tact my eyes
If i plumped my lips, and had smaller thighs.
If I was thick in all of the “right” place
And maybe if I let you run to home base.
If I wore more makeup, and wore less clothes
Maybe you still be here, and holding me close

But for now i must put you in a box, and go
Slap a smile on my face, so that no one will know
Wipe my tears, and shut the door.
Pick myself up off of the floor
Put my face on, and cover the scars
And put a guard around my heart.
Thru these many years one thing remains true
that thru these many years i will always miss you


~Gabriella Santiago 


it’s seeping

into my pores

and i hate the way

people stick to my


i almost compared

the hair i pulled out

in the shower,

to what my mother

found on her pillow,

but she lost more of

herself than i have

i’m picking at my nails,

it’s the only way

i’ll forget about all the

people that forgot

to stay,

or i’ll dream about

telling him that

fire extinguishers

won’t burn down the

world and that he wakes

up the next morning,

but instead only

the people he left do

and i keep on trying

to drown my memories

of ghosts that still


its seeping

into my pores

and my hair is

tangled with broken


my teeth are

falling out

in time with

the songs i use

to fill the space

silence leaves

smoke fills my lungs

and i still haven’t learned

how not to cough up

pieces of the past

that get stuck in

the drain i tried

to clean with vodka,

that night he tried

to put out flames,

and be the hero,

when he was the only one



Walking through your school hallway people stare

You know they are looking, but you don’t care

In bright rainbow colors you start to question your instinct

He even heres a “hey fag” and sees a wink

Tears roll down his face


A student ask if he is okay

But then is pushed away

You are just another wannabe

Who is going to make fun of me

More tears pour out


Be what you believe he hears

Then looks up and an angel appears

Nightmares happen and let them go

I will watch you from above down below

The tears are gone and a smile illuminates

Clay Wright

Who I am

It takes a very strong person

to turn pain into passion

and sorrow into success.

I am going to tell you who I am.

Who you pushed out of your life.

I am going to tell you who I was before you,

who I was with you,

and who I am now.

After you made my heart shake

like a raindrop stuck to a window

on a windy day.


I am the shimmer

reflecting a lonely light on a dark pond.

I am the feeling you get when you plunge your hands into ice cold water,

and I am the rain droplets that fall on the back of your neck.

I am the slap of fresh air when you step outside on a November morning.


You claim you don’t miss me.

And you claim you no longer love me.

And you, my dear, are wrong.

Continue reading

Tiny Broken Thing

Little baby bird,

fallen from the nest,

with a sad broken wing.

Little baby bird,

left for dead,

such a tiny broken thing.

Little baby bird,

I have felt your hurt,

I have felt that sting.

Little baby bird,

I don’t give up, not easily,

so home is where I’ll bring,

to fix your sad broken wing.

I will not let you lie

In that pain and misery.

Little baby bird,

I will heal and love you


You tiny broken thing.

Felicia Andro